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Communication on Your
First Date
by Alison Sardelli
A life-long friend or family member can
be difficult enough to communicate well
with, but what about someone that you're
just getting to know? People who know you
well have come to recognize your facial
expressions, tones and even individualized
slang that a new person might be completely
confused by. Common sense tells us that
there are certain ways to act around people
who don't know us very well; certain parts
of a personality are not advertised until
the relationship develops into something
more familiar. However, when you have particularly
intimate feelings toward this new person
it can be difficult to follow protocol;
or in other words, say absolutely the wrong
thing. Just to make things a little harder,
or so it would seem, the dating world also
dictates an order of operations in which
everyone must do or say certain things in
the right order, which can sometimes go
against everything a person is feeling;
as if that were not enough, people seem
to speak in code so that they can reveal
feelings or intentions without making themselves
vulnerable. How to navigate this virtual
circus of mixed signals and sideways discussions?
Well, most people take one step at a time
and if their methods clash too greatly with
their date, move on to the next. Others
find that again and again they seem to lack
the ability to communicate with new people;
given the chance to move into a more comfortable
relationship they feel they could make a
success of it, but does a person survive
those critical, first few dates?
Those First Few Minutes: Depending upon
how or why you have just met the person
you hope to continue dating, there could
be many appropriate steps to take, but a
few are easily applied to nearly any situation:
* Facial Expression and Body Language: A
persons' face speaks volumes about how they
feel; if your face reflects a positive attitude
the person you're with is apt to think that
you enjoy their company. This also applies
greatly to listing; making eye contact and
reacting to the things your date is telling
you are important signs that you care about
what they have to say. Distracted looks
without eye contact can easily end your
chances for a second date. Body language
is equally as important; make sure to exude
confidence by standing straight or in some
cases, a provocative posture that shows
interest. Your body and face will say much
more than your words in those first few
minutes and it's important to know just
what it is you're telling the person you're
with.
* Greetings: Again, depending on the situation
most people open with a simple hello; it's
to the point, but can leave an awkward silence
after reciprocated because it is now your
turn to speak again. Instead try opening
with a phrase that not only greets the person,
but also invites them to talk. Hello, how
are you? Hello, how's your day going? Now
these can easily be returned with a simple
fine and a response which invite you to
speak, this is easier then you think, simply
respond about how your day has been without
going into too much detail right away. Balancing
the conversation is very important, even
in the first few minutes; it allows both
people to feel that they are on equal ground
and that the other person has an interest
in their life.
* Appearance: Despite the insecurities many
people have when it comes to their bodies,
the true attraction between two people has
very little to do with a predetermined physical
standard. Dress to fit your body type and
try not to let anything you view as imperfection
on your body prevent you from feeling confident.
If you have a few extra pounds try to wear
clothes that are more flattering to your
shape instead of trying to pull off clothing
meant for more slender body types. If your
complexion is a little too fair, wear bolder
colored clothing as it helps to prevent
the washed out look. Taking a few minutes
just to make sure that you look clean and
have a nice sense of style can go a long
way toward helping physical attraction.
If you need a little help with fashion for
your body type or complexion simply use
the internet; you don't need to be a supermodel
or have tons of money to look like you're
dressed to entice.
* Watch what you eat: Whether you meet by
chance at a club or are heading out for
a formal dinner; be careful with your food
and drink choices. Becoming too intoxicated
is, for most people, a big turn off for
many reasons; you are unable to speak as
you would normally, any physical progress
is usually out due to the fact that most
people don't think it right to take advantage,
anything that you're saying can't be trust
because let's face it, you're drunk! Food
choices are equally as important in making
a good impression. Do not order food that
you would not normally eat to impress a
person; often this can upset your stomach
which makes for a very unpleasant date.
Attempting to order healthy food when you
would not normally eat it might be a good
idea for your body, but it's bad to begin
a date with deception. More important than
the type of food that you're ordering is
the mess factor; especially in today's'
germ-phobic society spilling food down your
face and shirt will make a quickly repulsive
impression your date.
Now that you have managed to survive through
getting ready for your date, saying hello
and staying away from that potentially gooey,
disaster of a dish; what to do?
* Dancing: An option for some but certainly
not for all, some people enjoy the activity
while others, no matter how hard they try,
are simply miserable. Be honest about your
dancing preference as it will matter for
future dates.
* Karaoke: Another fun option for those
brave enough and sometimes, but not always,
talented enough. Singing in public is a
huge ice breaker and will give you and your
date loads of entertainment and hopefully
a few fond memories. Not recommended for
those easily embarrassed not only by their
actions, but also by those of others.
* Outside Entertainment: Hiking, Rollerblading,
Water play (lots of options here,) min-golf,
even an evening walk can be a romantic way
to spend your time getting to know each
other. If you are not the outdoor type don't
lead your date to believe that any of these
activities would be fun for you, it will
simply bring about conflict in the future.
* Movie: An excellent was to spend some
time with a new person, especially when
conversation is still a bit awkward. Not
only does a movie give you something in
common to talk about afterward, often a
little hand holding (or more depending on
how well the date is going,) is acceptable
without being uncomfortable. Be sure to
see a movie that you would each enjoy; once
again going along with your date against
your own better judgment is a mistake, be
honest about your preferences.
* Indoor Games: Pool, bowling, darts and
if it's the right person a video arcade
can be loads of fun for both of you. Be
sure before you enter into any of these
events that you check any overzealous competitive
spirits at the door; while a little healthy
competition can be fun, even sexy, too much
will repel your partner faster than the
gooey food.
During these events, while you are connecting
and enjoying your time together make sure
you take every opportunity to get to know
the person that you're spending time with.
Make mental notes about what your date enjoys;
their favorite things and pay attention
to any mention for future plans so that
you can bring it up at the end of the date
to spark their interest. If anything especially
memorable happens it can be quite a romantic
gesture to keep a memento of your time together
for a future gift; it implies you suspected
that already, you see a future with this
person.
By the end of your date you should have
a fairly good idea whether or not the two
of you hit it off; this is the time when
a date usually turns very physical. Whether
you head up to the bedroom, or simply lean
in for a goodnight kiss make sure you put
as much feeling into the physical attention
of the act as possible so that person is
aware of just how much you enjoyed their
company. If all went well, you should be
on your way toward a second date; this you
should find a bit more relaxing as you have
made certain that your feelings are returned.
If your date did not go at well, remember
that many people simply do not mix well,
don't take it too personally, instead try
to make it a learning experience so that
your next, first date can go all the more
smoothly.
goarticles.com,
03.09.2008
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