Truth and lies about marrying
a Russian woman. Are Russian brides REALLY so
honest, faithful, reliable and make excellent
wives? What about their family values? Is it true
that Russian women are more beautiful, feminine
and stylish? And more...
Marrying a foreigner became a usual thing in Russia.
The number of marriage agencies doubles every
year, with a few hundred of them in Moscow and
St. Petersburg, and few dozen in any regional
city. Almost all people in big cities have a friend
or acquaintance they know personally who found
a husband abroad.
The position of society towards such marriages
is obviously negative both in Russia and in the
West. Nevertheless, there is a need for this type
of connections from both sides. It looks like
the number of Internet dating agencies which specialize
on representing Russian women also doubles every
365 days with 5-7 new agencies registered by dating
directories every week.
Thus, we have two types of stable representations
about marrying Russian women: positive,
originated from dating and introduction agencies,
and negative, raised by society.
In my opinion, they both are far away from the
truth. I call these representations "myths", and
consider them in pairs. The most common myths
are discussed on this page, I've picked out 9
of them.
Positive
myth Russian women
are well educated and intelligent.
Negative
myth Russian women live in a completely different
world, they are stupid in the simplest everyday
things; it will be very difficult for a Russian
woman to study language and adapt.
Positive
myth
Russian women are more beautiful, feminine
and stylish.
Negative
myth
Internet marriage agencies publish photo of
models to receive money for the false addresses
from lonely Western men.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
When you have a chance to visit
Russia, you definitely will be surprised seeing
so many beautiful women on the streets. Skirts
and mini-skirts are still popular among many Russian
ladies, showing their best. Foreigners admit that
Russians dress very neat and stylish. It looks
like they wear designer clothes for any occasion.
Russian women appear to be happy being women.
They are charming, and take a good care of themselves.
If you put in line a hundred undressed 18-year-girls
from Russia and the West (please don't ask me
where you can get such a view), it will be almost
impossible to see any difference; but if you take
fifty 35-year-old women from Moscow streets and
mix them with 50 ladies from LA, you'll never
be mistaken who is who. They dress differently;
Russian women rarely get overweight with time,
and the most noticeable difference - the expression
of their faces. Russian women look much warmer
and charming. It's difficult to explain; if you
are in Russia one day, you will see for yourself.
The old proverb says: intelligence of a girl depends
on her current hairstyle and dress. I can say
the same about woman's beauty. You will meet very
beautiful women all over the world, Russian women
just make special efforts to look their best.
The bad news is: it will come over soon after
you beautiful Russian wife is here. First months
after leaving Russia I looked like a model from
a magazine picture, now my usual clothes are jeans
and a T-shirt. It's much more convenient, less
time consuming, and I look exactly the same as
all women around. In Russia I would never step
away from home without proper make-up, now I don't
touch my cosmetics bag for weeks.
Russian women look so beautiful on pages of Internet
catalogues that you wonder why are such nice
ladies are alone and have to look for partners
abroad.
The truth is that all women featured by Internet
dating agencies were chosen from thousands of
applicants. Most photos received by agencies in
response to their ads feature ordinary, hardly
attractive women, and there are no doubts why
they are alone. The average Internet Russian dating
agency publishes about 15-20% of the data received.
Some agencies select only 1 from 20-40 candidates.
The important parameters for publication of a
woman's data are:
Age.
Agencies seldom publish data of women older 40
years. Beauty.
Agencies do not publish photos of ugly or fat
women. Children.
Agencies prefer to publish data of women who don't
have children or have only one child. Language
abilities. Agencies prefer women who can speak
English.
The reason for all the above mentioned restrictions
is obvious: Men do prefer young, good looking
women who don't have children and can communicate
in English. Because it's men who pay for the addresses,
it's only a waste of time and Web space to publish
photos of old or unattractive women.
If you look through websites where you can receive
women's addresses and send letters for free, or
the ones with a system of club membership, you'll
easily pick up the difference: girls on the sites
where you have to pay seem to be much prettier.
Do agencies publish photos of models or just pretty
women who have never been looking for relationships
abroad? The answer is: Yes.
It makes me sad; a while ago I answered NO to
this question. But things change, and not always
change for better.
According to the latest information, there are
agencies that deliberately publish photos of beautiful
women who never applied to their services. The
aim of such "agencies" is to receive money from
men for addresses and corresponding with "ladies".
Usually such "agencies" do not give real women's
addresses, all letters are sent to the agency
itself or using its email forwarding service.
"Scam" agencies usually do not have a website
or host it with one of free services providers.
Look for services that provide women's postal
addresses and phone numbers in addition to email
addresses, and you will be in better of even if
they appear to be more expensive. Normally, good
things aren't cheap or free.
Positive
myth Russian women
are not interested in careers and dream to
be housewives.
Negative
myth Russian women are dependent, shy, reserved
and don't want to work; you will have to feed
a Russian wife for the rest of your life.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
Please remember: not all Russian
women are the same.
The interest in career making depends mostly upon
the woman's past. If she has a good education
and used to have a challenging job in Russia,
she will probably get fed up of staying at home
in 3-4 months even if she enjoyed it a lot in
the beginning.
For the majority of women in Russia being a housewife
is a kind of unaffordable luxury: the economic
situation pushes women to work to provide for
their families. No wonder, it's considered as
a sign of well being when a wife can stay at home,
and a social status of a housewife is high in
Russia.
At the same time in Russia it's much more difficult
for a woman to make career than for a man. Looking
for vacancies in Russian newspapers you will notice
that 90% of the ads appeal only to male candidates.
Pointing the gender as a requirement for a position
is not considered to be a discrimination. Women
are paid less, and have fewer career opportunities.
Salaries in Russia are pretty small, and even
a successful career doesn't guarantee good living
standards.
All the factors together may explain why Russian
women are not as interested in careers as their
Western sisters. Family life gives Russian women
much more satisfaction and joy. They probably
would be happy "to make a career" but never had
a chance (if one considers the word "career" in
its Western meaning: high position in a stable
company, high salary providing high living standards,
status and respect). If you never had a chance
to try a caviar, how can you say if you like it
or not?
Even if a woman has reached a high position, she
will never be considered as equal due to predominant
men's chauvinism. She will have to prove every
day that she is not a "chicken" (very famous old
Russian proverb: Chicken is not a bird, woman
is not a human being). Making career in Russia
is what a reasonable person won't bother about:
no money, no respect and to spend lot of
effort on it- what for? Dissatisfaction guaranteed.
Generally, Russian women are used to working.
I believe, they like to work. They may be excited
by the idea to become a housewife and dedicate
themselves to their family, but will be able to
provide for the family if they need.
Arriving in a strange country, a Russian woman
is at a disadvantage as there are language barriers.
The first few month she definitely won't be working
but staying at home: she must get used to a different
life style, customs and rules. She is not aware
if her knowledge and skills are worth anything.
When she realizes what she can get having a good
job, and is able to get this job - well, you may
be surprised.
Positive
myth Russian women
appreciate traditional family values, they
are serving and sacrificing.
Negative
myth Half of the women featured by Internet
introduction agencies are prostitutes, the
others are already married.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
Both phrases above are of the wildest
guesses I've heard in my life.
It may happen that some of women featured by dating
agencies are prostitutes, though I have never
heard about such a case. To be a prostitute in
Russia now - it's a thing a woman in her sound
mind will never consider as an option. Russian
prostitutes are mostly uneducated girls from small
regional towns, who don't even have a place to
stay in a big city. Their monthly salary is only
about $70-100. High class prostitutes from Moscow
or St. Petersburg do get better income but I doubt
if they apply to introduction agencies to get
rid of this type of life.
If a woman knows English well and has a degree,
she can easily find a secretarial work that will
be paid better than prostitution. There is also
high demand for sales people, who receive considerably
good salaries. Being a prostitute is a thing
that seems to be completely out of sense for a
normal woman without a sexual disorder.
Another thing, a woman will never go into prostitution
in her native city, or if she moved with her family.
The majority of people in Russia stay in the same
city for all their lives, generation by generation.
Very seldom a woman moves to a strange city on
her own.
What about having married ladies data in databases,
it's closer to the truth.
Some of agencies don't remove women's data from
their catalogs after the ladies are already engaged
or even married. A Russian woman whom I know personally
was in the database of a famous respectable agency.
She received about 150 letters from the men through
this agency, though the agency states that they
sell address of a woman no more than 15 times.
After she was engaged, she sent a letter to the
agency asking to remove her data. Letters continued
to arrive. After she had got married she sent
another request. This time the agency removed
her photo from its catalogue on the Internet but
the lady's parents were still receiving letters.
Apparently the agency kept selling her address
on requests from printed catalogues. The letters
were still arriving 2 years after the lady got
married!
My colleagues in Russia reported a few similar
cases.
On the other hand, many ladies do not inform agencies
when they get engaged or married. Sometimes women
don't remember which agencies they have signed
with, or simply don't think it's a big deal. Nevertheless,
the percentage of the ladies successfully completing
their search for a foreign husband is so small
(not more than 5-7%), that it can't significantly
influence the quality of agencies databases.
Another thing that does have a distinct impact
is that even ladies who are not married or engaged
may be not available after a while, and agencies
are not able to gather this information. If a
lady has a few correspondents, she is likely to
disregard further letters, though she does not
want agencies to remove her from databases. Why?
She is not confident that things will work out
with the existing correspondents, and doesn't
want to start everything from scratch. My estimation
is that after being in a database for 2-3 months,
most ladies usually will have a few correspondents.
They are not married, but they are not available
either.
Well, let's discuss the next point. Devotion to
traditional family values is the most important
factor pushing Western men to look for a Russian
wife. Generally, the meaning of "traditional family
values" comes to accepting a situation when a
husband is busy making a living, and a wife is
staying at home taking care of children, making
food for the family and so on.
The question of Russian women's interest in making
careers was already discussed (see Myth 2). They consider the situation from a different
point of view. In Russia women have to do all
home work, and at the same time have a full time
job to provide for the family. Taking into consideration
the fact that in this situation many don't have
the simplest utilities such as microwave, automatic
washing machine and semi-finished products for
cooking, it's clear that being a western housewife
is just a peace of cake. If a Russian woman does
not work (cannot work), for her it's a natural
choice to run a house.
What about being serving and sacrificing, it's
definitely not true. Again, all people are different,
and Russian women, too. But generally, in my opinion,
it's more educated, talented and smart ladies
who have managed to find a husband abroad. It's
a difficult task that requires serious prolonged
efforts, and not any woman can do it. Russian
wives are strong and pretty dominating. They know
what they want. The only difference between them
and their Western sisters is that they do not
try to show "who is the boss of the house". They
know that the shortest way is not the fastest.
I believe, they get better results not showing
off their strength but weakness. The man has steering
control but the woman keeps the ship on her palm.
Positive
myth Russian women
are well educated and intelligent.
Negative
myth Russian women live in a completely different
world, they are stupid in the simplest everyday
things; it will be very difficult for a Russian
woman to study language and adapt.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
Russian women who try to find a
husband abroad are different from the rest of
Russian females. They have heightened requirements
towards men and living standards. Usually it comes
with better education and life experience.
It's correct that people in Russia are better
educated. The Soviet educational system was probably
the best in the world. One could receive advanced
knowledge, education was free and additionally
she got scholarship from the government. There
were special scholarships for the best students,
for example I received a special scholarship,
which was equal to the minimum salary.
After Perestroyka things started to fall apart
but Russian education is still good enough and
quite affordable. Anybody can still receive the
best university education for free, all she needs
to do is to prove her knowledge by passing entering
tests. College education is even more affordable.
Most professional schools are free of charge.
First time after arriving in the West a Russian
woman can seem stupid because of her ignorance
about simple everyday things. She probably doesn't
know how to deal with kitchen equipment or an
automatic washing machine. She is definitely not
aware about payment by check or credit card.
99,9% of Russians use only cash as payment means.
After quite a few occasions when money on bank
accounts in Russia lost their value in 4-10 times
for a few days, Russians do not trust banks and
prefer to keep money in cash.
Please understand: she is not stupid, she just
never used those facilities. She will get right
with the things as well as the language. Russians
do not need English or any other foreign language
in their daily life. During the Soviet time learning
a foreign language was considered as needless
and even harmful. Russians received a chance to
watch English speaking TV channels just a few
years ago, and it's accessible only through cable
TV, which is quite expensive.
I studied English in Russia for a long time, and
foreigners usually said that my English was very
good. Nevertheless, when I arrived here I could
not understand people's speech. It was too fast
for me. For the first weeks I watched TV almost
the whole day long to practice. So don't worry
about your Russian fianc饧s poor English - she
will learn quickly.
Positive
myth Russian women
are very fond of Western men.
Negative
myth Russian women dislike Russian men. All
Russian women are eager to escape Russia for
the better life on the West.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
All these statements are pure lie.
Russian women like Russian men. A Russian woman
would prefer to get married to a Russian guy.
Russian life is quite an adventure, and Russian
men are smart and interesting to be with.
If so, then why the hell Russian women are looking
for husbands abroad?
The answer is: they want to have good
husbands. Russian men just can't make good husbands.
Russian men are nice but Russian traditions of
family life are not. When one grows up in a society,
he acts according its rules and traditions. It's
not because he is bad, it's just natural.
I know a few Russian families that moved from
Russia to another countries, and the wives are
quite happy about the situation in their families.
I believe I am also a different wife than I would
be if I married a Russian guy and stayed in Russia.
You can't live in a society and be free of its
rules and customs.
The objective reasons why Russians can't make
good husbands are alcohol abuse, and their poor
health conditions. All have their roots in the
society life. Women of 18 years old have no problems
with finding appropriate partners of their age,
and most of them do. The problems start later.
The society and life conditions push men towards
alcohol addiction, which cause in its turn problems
with health. There are, of course, men who are
healthy and take good care of their families,
but they usually get married early and stay married.
There is also such a reason as demographic disproportion
between men and women. Women outnumber men, and
though this difference is not really huge (3-7%
according to different issues), it gives a big
absolute number of lonely women, who have zero
chances to find a life partner. The demographic
disproportion also does not take place in the
age group 18-25 years old, and starts from the
age of 30 and up.
The statement that all Russian women would be
happy to escape Russia for the better life on
the West is also grossly exaggerated. As far as
I know, dating agencies have a permanent but limited
flow of new applicants. Many women sign with a
few agencies. According my estimations, it's not
more than 100 000 women who are featured by different
agencies, including Russian local marriage agencies.
Some of the women have already got married, gave
up their search or found a partner in Russia.
The majority of single women don't consider finding
a husband abroad as an option. Even if they can't
find a partner in their homeland, they would never
leave Russia. Many women who signed up with agencies,
do not perform an intensive search and have this
way only as one of options. It's particularly
true towards young women under 25 years old.
Population of Russia is about 150 million people
with 77-80 millions women. Thus, the share of
women trying to find a foreign husband is not
more than 0.13% of the total number, and only
about 0.5% of the number of single women. As I
already said, for a big part of them signing with
agencies is just a try, and they do not consider
this opportunity as a real option.
Positive
myth Russian women
prefer much older husbands. One can easily
find a young beautiful Russian woman who will
be happy to marry him.
Negative
myth Men, who are looking for Russian wives,
are unattractive, old and desperate losers.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
Contrary to popular belief, most
men who are looking for Russian wives, are in
their 30's or 40's, good looking and have successful
careers. I had a chance to check it on my own
experience. The share of men older than 50 years
was about 4-5% of the men who tried to contact
me, with about the same number of guys who were
under 30 years old (I forgot to specify age limit
in my application to agencies - a usual mistake
of female applicants). This proportion corresponds
a normal client structure of any personals or
dating agency.
Although Russian ladies usually get married to
considerably older Western men, it does not mean
that they do prefer older husbands. They just
don't mind. Normally in Russia a woman will marry
a man of the same age or 2-5 years older.
The reason why women still go for older foreign
men is that if a woman has ventured to look
for a foreign match, she wants to make sure she
will have a stable life and security. Marrying
a man who is older than herself she feels more
secure than is he was of the same age, even though
they would have the same financial security. In
Russia it is not uncommon when men divorce after
30 and find younger wives - and this is the last
thing that a woman wants to happen to her in a
strange country. Women want to make sure their
marriage to a foreign man will be stable.
It is true that one can get married to a Russian
lady much younger than him, such as 20-30 years
younger. It's another story what he can expect
of such a marriage. Those marriages are not as
stable as the ones where age difference is 5-15
years. If one gets married to a girl 30 years
younger than him, he must understand a potential
danger of this union as well as the real reasons
pushing a young woman towards the decision.
Even if in the beginning a woman has fair intentions
to stay with her older husband for the rest of
her life, she may change her attitude with time.
It's normal for Russian women to sacrifice themselves
for families and children, but one will adapt
to the Western life style quickly, and start feeling
miserable. She'll want to go to a disco, party,
skiing, diving etc - and her older husband won't
be able to go out as much as she wants. Once she
goes out on her own, divorce is around the corner.
Certainly, any personal situation is unique. Marriages
between older men and young women always took
place in real life, with many of them being stable
and happy. If you are confident about your and
your fianc饧s feelings and intentions, nothing
should stop you. Still better regret about the
things done than about a missed opportunity.
Positive
myth Getting in
contact with Russian ladies will cost you
almost nothing, so why don't you try?
Negative
myth Marrying a Russian woman is a difficult
and costly exercise, and rarely will one succeed.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
When you start thinking about marrying
a woman from Russia, you do not realize how much
will it cost you. Making contacts with Russian
ladies truly costs you almost nothing but to
marry a Russian woman you will have to have
some spare money.
If all you want is just to entertain yourself
and then have a look what can get out of it, it's
OK. Just keep in mind that you are also spending
the time of a poor Russian girl who has serious
intentions to find a life partner. Probably, you'd
better join a chat.
The first thing you must decide it's where you
are going to look for a potential bride. You may
apply to one of numerous Internet introduction
agencies and buy addresses of Russian women seeking
a partner abroad, place a personal ad, or go for
a tour organized by an agency where you will have
a chance to meet hundreds of marriage-minded Russian
women in person on so called "socials". Buying
addresses will cost you about $5-15 per item.
Personal listing - from $20 to $750, or you can
place your ad at free services (I would not recommend
using free services: they do not guarantee anything;
and became a paradise for scam artists). The price
of the tours varies from $2800 to $9900 including
airfare and accommodation.
To marry a Russian woman you will have to have
a deal with INS (or another immigration government
service in your country, they all are made of
the same s...ubstance). The necessary requirement
is that you have met each other in person before
you apply for a visa for your fiancee. To obtain
another type of visa for a single woman in many
countries is virtually impossible, and you can
spend even more if you try; do not believe ANYBODY
who tries to convince you otherwise (applicable
to USA, Canada and Australia ONLY; Europe and
other countries do grant visitor's visas to single
Russian girls). So regardless of which option
you have chosen, you will have to visit Russia
one day. A standard tour will cost you something
in between $1500-2000 + expenses for meals, gifts
and entertainment.
Some men prefer to combine both options: they
buy addresses and correspond with a few women
for a while, then they go for a tour to visit
the women before or after they attend "socials"
to secure results; in my opinion it is a wise
choice.
Regarding "socials", a personal contact is a personal
contact, and this way may considerably speed up
the process. It also may bring you a knock-out,
and you will have to review your decision or strategy,
which is why I believe establishing some contacts
prior to the tour is essential.
While corresponding with ladies you must also
be ready for some expenses. Probably, you would
like to send a gift to your lady, or a book about
your city/country. If you use a mail forwarding
service (delivering a letter to Russia via regular
mail can take 2-4 weeks), it will cost you $4-5
per 1 page. Then the necessary visit to Russia,
as discussed earlier, it's at least $1500. Then
visa application process and fees. When your lady
is about to join you, you will have to buy her
a ticket and probably supply with some money for
her family that she lives behind.
I think you should not expect to spend less than
$3,500-4000 (if you are very lucky), with some
issues estimating the necessary amount in $10,000-20,000.
From this point of view, it's quite stupid to
try saving a few backs on the first stage when
you just buy addresses from agencies or advertise
yourself overseas. I know many cases when men
returned empty handed and had to start everything
from scratch. Quite expensive failure.
Use all opportunities, buy 20 addresses instead
of 2, advertise yourself and choose women who
meet your requirements 100% (at least, fit the
most important criteria). I believe if you do
something it's worth doing it well. If you understand
the importance of making the right choice on the
first stage, and act consciously, step by step,
you will succeed.
Positive
myth Russian women
are not interested in your money or financial
situation; a Russian girl will love you as
you are.
Negative
myth Corresponding with a Russian woman is
just a scam to make you send her money.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
Russian women ARE interested in
your financial situation, as well as you are interested
in their beauty and good character. It's just
normal. The other thing is that their understanding
of a good financial situation is different. The
average western family has living standards, which
are accessible only for the top income group in
Russia.
A Russian woman is definitely interested if you
have a stable secure job to provide for the family,
own a house or have another property. She of course
will decide in your favor not only because of
your money, but your financial security is of
great importance for her on the introduction stage.
At the same time any your attempt to impress women
with your wealth will receive a negative response.
We all usually have at least two reasons for doing
something: the real one and the one that sounds
good. Russian women genuinely believe that the
reasons why they are looking for a husband abroad
are the lack of men in Russia and their terrible
habits. They will tell you that the wealth of
your soul is much more important than the wealth
of your bank account.
Yes, it's true, but keep in mind that it's
not all the truth.
Russian women are worried about moving to a strange
country, and of course they don't want to plunge
themselves in a worse situation than they are
currently in. They do want to find a better life.
It's an absolutely normal aspiration for a human
being.
Nevertheless, if you obviously try to show a woman
how rich you are, she will feel outraged and probably
will reject you as too materialistic.
You could also have heard a lot about scams in
connection with Russian brides.
Yes, such a thing exists. Russians are very good
in fraud ventures, they can invent things you
would never ever think of. No wonder that the
matrimonial industry attracted the attention of
scam artists too.
Usually it works like this: you correspond with
a woman for a while, she is wonderful and perfect
in everything, you feel as though you are falling
in love with her and decide to meet in person.
For some important objective reasons you are supposed
to meet somewhere away from her native place:
most common scenario is when a "woman" wants to
visit you in your country (or in another country,
or the capital of her country - but not in the
city where she lives) and asks to sponsor her
travel arrangements. The next scenario is simple
as 2+2: you send her money for travel expenses,
and it's the last time you hear from her.
Things like this do happen with Western men from
time to time. What can save you from scam artists
is a simple caution: do not send lots of money
to anybody you have not personally met. Pay
for her plane ticket directly to an air company,
and only you will be able to receive a refund.
If a woman tries to insist that it will be 2 (3,4,5)
times cheaper for you if she buys a ticket in
Russia herself, or that the "visa agency" requires
to make travel arrangements through them, think
carefully if you are ready to kiss the money good
bye. (And remember, no agency, friend or relative
can influence the decision of the Embassy to issue
a visa. Do not send money for visas or tickets
to USA, Canada or Australia! It is definitely
a scam!)
It may be that she honestly tries to save you
money, but I would recommend to avoid girls that
are too good to be true. If she writes you letters
that make you cry and sing, please remember that
majority of Russian ladies have huge problems
with expressing their feelings in general,
and even more problems with English.
The number of people who try to take advantage
of inexperienced love seekers is rather insignificant.
All agencies are aware of scams, and ask their
clients to inform them if a woman asks for money.
The agencies remove immediately the data of those
women from databases, and usually scammers work
independently using Internet personals where anyone
is invited to place a free ad with the system
of club membership rather than specialized Russian
dating agencies where you need to pay per address.
Nevertheless, if it's your first experience with
foreign brides, you are likely to pick up a gold
digger. Why? Because real Russian women are not
perfect. They delay answering their letters and
many still don't use email. They are shy
to express their feelings. She will hesitate to
tell you how much do you mean for her, and almost
never will express her love if you have not met
yet. You definitely cannot expect love confessions
after 3-5 brief letters! It is not in their nature.
Their letters appeal more to your intelligence
than emotions.
In contrast, gold diggers write beautiful letters
that make you emotionally involved very quickly.
They talk a lot about honesty and trust, and tell
you sensitive stories about their life. They check
their mailboxes 5 times a day (no wonder, it's
their bread and butter), and you receive responses
to your letters very fast. Their letters are very
open, and they appreciate you very much. They
fall in love with you almost instantly, without
asking too many questions, and cannot live without
you even though you never met in person. Usually
a scammer will be much younger than you, and her
attention flatters your ego...
I do not say that a real woman cannot be passionate,
young and be honestly interested in you, but when
everything is too good, things move too fast,
without much effort from your side ("I
thought I just got lucky..."), it usually
ends too bad.
Be realistic. Be especially careful if the age
difference is more than 15-20 years. A beautiful
educated woman without children can receive
10-15 letters every day from well educated successful
men 5-15 years her senior. If she has chosen you,
there may be a reason - does her reason sounds
good enough for you?
Positive
myth It will be
a paradise on the earth after I marry a Russian
woman.
Negative
myth Russian women are only after passports,
and will divorce their husbands as soon as
they have the passport.
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
An old proverb says that it's very
easy to find a suitable partner for marriage:
one just must be a suitable partner himself.
Another nice saying is: Marriage is the triumph
of imagination over intelligence.
Marrying a Russian woman does not have a principle
difference from marrying any other woman: you
yourself are responsible for your success. If
you are truly in love with each other, nothing
can interfere with your life-long happiness.
The only way to get what you want is to not fool
yourself. Unfortunately there are some women looking
only for foreign passports. If you are 65, have
health problems, very average life and dream to
get married to a girl of 18 years old, you may
meet more than 1 of them.
The overwhelming majority of Russian women seeking
husbands abroad are honest in their intentions.
They want to have a reliable partner, happy family
and stable future. They are not going to marry
a guy just to divorce him in a couple of years.
But they are also not going to take care of a
man with serious handicaps devoting their best
years to him. Sorry to tell you that, but if you
are in a wheel-chair, your chances with real Russian
ladies are slim.
You must not expect too much of your marriage
to a Russian woman. It is not nationality which
makes a marriage successful. It is honesty, respect,
trust and mutual efforts. Russian women do have
more experience and skills for developing successful
relationships but it can't grow only from one
side. If you are open and honest, and don't think
that you can get something for nothing, then chances
are you will succeed in marriage with a Russian
woman.
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The naked truth about marrying a Russian woman
I dream about
happy marriage...
Click my photo!
The truth about Russian women seeking
love, romance and marriage in the West is that
they are not exotic beings who are very different
from their Western sisters. They are special in
the sense that what you see in the Internet catalogues
are only the best, and those best were chosen
from a very specific category of women who were
brave and intelligent enough to start this adventure.
The only statement of dating agencies that is
close to the truth, is that Russian women
make good wives. Brought up in the situation
where anybody depends on everybody, they are very
flexible and easily adapt to any situation. They
are used to compromise.
Russian women seeking partners accept the rules
of the game and act according to the representations
originated from dating agencies. In some extent
both agencies and women believe that all the positive
myths considered above are true. Internal intentions
stay invisible and sometimes even unconscious.
The nature of Internet acquaintances creates the
illusion of personal contact that develops with
a time into feeling of intimacy and closeness.
Partly it's a result that despite a relatively
prolonged communication, a potential couple still
acts according to standards of "the first date"
diligently demonstrating their best qualities
(sometimes even non-existing) and disguising shortcomings.
Mediated contacts speed up building atmosphere
of honesty and trust, which is initially false
in its nature. Partners quickly move into an intimate
zone where they can talk about questions rarely
discussed even with the closest friends. The duration
of acquaintance creates an illusion of a stable
relationship.
In reality the partners are still strangers to
each other. A personal meeting may confirm that
the choice was right, or destroy this conception
but still doesn't give a final answer. Marriages
between Russian women and Western men are marriages
between two people who hardly know each other.
Success of those marriages depends on acceptance
of the rules of the game for the both parties.
An honest player will observe the rules securing
the successful final of the game.
Generally this type of marriages have better chances
for surviving than the ones entered in a usual
way, even if it may seem absurd from the first
sight. (According to USCIS (former INS) study, the success rate in international
marriages is 80% after 5 years comparing with
50% of "normal" marriages - i.e. 4 international
couples out of 5 are still married after 5 years
while every second "normal" marriage ends in divorce.
Makes you think!)
Marriage through a dating agency gives the partners
definite obligations towards each other, which
they have to keep. The decision made is always
conscious, and there is no room for blaming circumstances
or the other people in a possible failure. On
the subjective level a couple experiences a negative
pressure from the society, which makes the partners
stick together.
And you know, when you act in accordance to some
role for a while, eventually it becomes natural
for you. Generally, we all play roles during our
lives, and playing a role of a good wife for some
time changes the woman herself. A man has a good
wife, but he is not married to the same person
that she was in Russia.
The old saying is: "Nobody gets married to his
wife. One got married to his fiancee, but it was
a completely different person..." In the case
of Russian - Western marriages it's suddenly true.
Thus, marriage to a Russian woman has good chances
to be successful. Myths created around those marriages
do not influence the essential content of life-long
partnership, and don't change natural human aspirations.
Happiness, fidelity and devotion have always been
the most precious values in life, and there is
no difference which way makes them work.
The sun revolves around the earth, or the other
way around - does it really matter, as long as
it shines?