The keyword to Russian family
life is dependence. The family life is built
on dependence, and Russians are attached
to their family members.
The roots of this situation are in the way
of being. Russians live in small apartments
in large blocks, with 2-3 generations living
together. It's normal when grown single
children live with parents, and even when
married children with spouses stay with
one of the parents.
During the Soviet time one couldn't buy
an apartment (Russians call them "flats"),
he could only "receive" it from
the state. The apartments were given to
people for free, according to the time they
worked on the enterprise. One should only
pay a small fee for communal services. The
state norms for giving the apartments were
rather tough, with 5-8 square meters for
a person. A family with 2 children of the
same gender would get only two-room apartment
of about 30 square meters (kitchens, bathrooms
and passages were not taking into account).
A divorced woman with a daughter would get
only one-room apartment.
Nowadays one can buy an apartment, and the
state does not give apartments to people
for free anymore. Buying an apartment is
unachievable for the majority of people
because of small salaries. One of my friends,
38-year old single woman, still lives with
her mom in one-room apartment, and they
have zero chances to get a better one unless
she gets married and leaves. (Which is also
doubtful as there are 10 million (!) more
women of marriageable age in Russia than
men and all men who wanted to get married
are normally married by the time.)
Living in small apartments together with
parents and/or children makes Russians take
care of each other. They have to be considerate
and ready to compromise. One has to adapt
to the family lifestyle and rules.
Any person has his own limit of patience
and acceptance of the things but Russians
have much higher potential limits. If compare
those limits with thermometer, Americans
have 20-degrees "thermometer",
and when they reach this point, their emotional
"thermometer" just fails to work
further. For them it's a critical situation.
Russians have 100-degrees thermometer, and
in the same situation, which is unacceptable
for an American, they will act as if nothing
happens.
That's why I think that Russian women have
the proper skills to make good wives. They
usually do not let situation to come to
the point of no return. It does not mean
that they give up their goals easily, but
they try to reach them in a different, less
complicated or roundabout way. They do not
intend to prove their point, and the result
is of more importance than the rightness.
You won't even notice how it happened that
you eventually did what she wanted! And
it does not mean that the woman is devious
or the like; for her it's just natural.
Well, coming back to Russian family life.
Russians get married early, at the age 18-22.
Because they don't really care much about
making a career (see Myth 2 for details),
they don't wait until they are independent.
Young couples usually stay with wife's or
husband's parents during the first years
of marriage.
Being single in Russia puts a label on a
woman. If she is over 25 and still single,
it means that something's wrong with her.
Not any amount of money she earns or her
career successes can give her high social
status, if she is not married. From the
other hand, it's not such a fortune for
a woman - to be married in Russia. A decent
woman is supposed to stay at home, while
her husband is allowed to spend time with
friends in cafes, restaurants and discos.
All housework is also women's responsibility,
and it's quite a lot if taking in consideration
the lack of home electronic utilities. About
80% of Russian families do not have even
an automatic washing machine and microwave.
Russian society is pretty male dominating.
Infidelity is common in Russia. Women outnumber
men, and a guy can easily find somebody
for affairs. Sleeping around is a kind of
honor for a man. Women are not supposed
to do it to be respectable, but still, guys
find partners, so I believe that the girls
just keep quiet. One of my male friends
of 38 years, who has probably about 30 new
partners every year, aged from 18 to 40
(he is not married, at least!), well-traveled
and well-educated guy, a former national
level sportsman, told me once in a frank
impulse: "The only good thing about
Russia is girls. Beautiful, gentle and accessible".
For the women agreeing on casual sex is
the way of attracting a partner that she
hopes may later offer her commitment. Single
girls all desperately want to find a "worthy"
man and get married. Marriage for Russian
women is the same type of thing as career
for western women - it gives them a respectable
social status.
